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By. Roland Dodds

As the feline’s furry paws braced the computer keyboard, Post Modern Cat knew this day would be added to the annals of history. This would be the day revolution was realized. The chains of the oppressor discarded to the waste bin of history; slave relationships between the owner and worker extinguished. All that the world needed was the right academic dissertation.

 

The black and white tabby lifted her beret from her head and placed it ceremoniously next to her cup of green tea. The years spent writing obtuse academic jargon had trained the cat well; synthesis, situationist and multistrationilist theory would be the arms in which she destroyed the state. She couldn’t help but purr as the words began to flow.

“The subject is interpolated into a substructural ownership theory that includes truth as a whole. But if cat-centered surrealism holds, we have to choose between Lyotardist narrative and Foucaultist power relations.”

Beautiful.

“If substructural capitalist theory holds, we have to choose between semantic postcultural theory and capitalist situationism. Thus, the premise of substructural humanist cat intersectionality suggests that the goal of the reader is social comment.”

Post Modern Cat glanced over her shoulder as she finished the sentence, fearing that the revolutionary clarity of her work may bring unwanted attention from the state. She dimmed her MacBook screen accordingly and continued adding to her tome.

“Derrida uses the term ‘subpatriarchialist discourse’ to denote the role of the Cat as creator. In a sense, the premise of subconstructivist semantic theory implies that feline identity has significance beyond the confines of human appreciation.”

Yes, brilliant! But by using the grammatically correct “Cat,” was she fueling a dialect of linguistic oppression? Deconstructing expectations, in addition to identity, was necessary for the revolution to begin. Clarity was the tool of the oppressor.

“Kat identity is responsible for elitist perceptions of class,” says Foucault. The characteristic theme of Buxton’s essay on Derridaist reading is the role of the animal as rebel. But the subject is interpolated into a dialectic appropriation that includes truth as a totality.”

Like a thousand knives to ruling class, her words forced a smile to appear on her self-absorbed face, ruining her carefully crafted ascetic for a brief moment. She looked around to see if anyone noticed. No one was looking.

With that, Post Modern Cat closed her computer and hurried towards the exit. To the press with this masterpiece!

“You didn’t pay for your tea!” cried the barista.

Ah, yes. Capitalist currency. An inconvenient social element that would collapse with the full façade of the state once the kat’s manuscript reached the masses.

She left a handful of change on the counter, adjusted her beret, and strutted triumphantly out of the café.

Roland Dodds is an educator, researcher and father just north of San Francisco who writes about politics, culture and education.

Chimo is a band from Shanghai, China.